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On this page we will be presenting a 'mixed bag' of items which may be stories,poems,music,pictures,or anything with-in good taste ( no Porn here ) that's why we named this page ' Mumbo Jumbo '
So kick back in your easy chair, grab a 'cold one ' maybe some munchies and enjoy the page ! This page will be updated often so check back soon.
 
This following Joke was heard recently on a local radio station.
The scene for this joke is just off the coast of Halifax between two radio operators. Imagine the sound of the microphones as they transmit back and forth between each other.
1st Operator keys up - chiiick - ' To avoid a collision I'm telling you to immediately to turn 15 degrees South East ! '
2nd Operator replies - chhiiick - ' That's a negative , I tell you to move 15 degrees North West ! '
1st Operator again replies - chiick - ' No that's a negative , I tell you again to avoid collision you must turn 15 degrees South East Immediately !! '
2nd Operator replies again ' No that definatly is a negative you move Immediately 15 degrees North West !! '
1st operator again replies - chiiiickk - ' That's positively a Negative , this is the last warning , I say again , to avoid a collision you must move 15 degrees South East right NOW !!!! '
2nd Operator keys again - chiiicccccccck - ' That's definatley a Negative . I tell you this is the 'USS Pheonix ' The Second Largest Ship in the US Navy ... I demand you to move 15 Degrees North West Right Now !!!!!!! '
radio silence for a few seconds ....
1st Operator - click - ' This is the 'Canadian Coast Guard' and this is a Lighthouse..... it's your move '.... !!!
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This following joke was sent to me quite a number of years ago, some may have seen it before but many others I'm sure have never seen it before .
The scene is a Newfie's Letter he sends to The Minister of Health and Welfare Canada ... after he receives the AIDS leaflet...
Dear Sir:
I have just recently received the AIDS leaflet in my mail and would like to apply straight away for AIDS.
I have been out of work for the past 10 years and living on Welfare and any other AIDS I could get. It now seems I will be getting AIDS from the Government for having sex. It is a pity these AIDS came so late as I have already got 15 children. I was wondering though if you would be making any back payments ?
The leaflet states the more sex I have , the more chance I have of getting AIDS. My only problem is persuading my wife who is not so keen after having 15 kids. Several years ago I brought home some sexual Aids and she showed little interest and they were hardly used. Would there be any chance of a Refund from your Department for the $15.83 I paid for these Gadgets ? Anyway , I will explain to her that the Government will now be giving us AIDS for all the sex we have and I am sure she will agree that we can't let a chance like this slip by.
You also state that I can pass my AIDS on , but as you will understand , with a wife and 15 children there won't be much left to pass on. If by chance there is a bit left though , I surely will pass the AIDS on to my Poor Old Mother-In-Law who only has a small pension.
I understand from your leaflet that I can get AIDS through having a Blood Transfusion and I intend to write to my local Hospital straight away to see when I can have one. Will the AIDS I get from the Hospital be in addition to the AIDS I get from the Government ? Perhaps you will write me and let me know.
I am a firm believer in the Government passing on any AIDS it can to those who should have it. I am sure you will agree that , by my past performance , I do qualify for these AIDS. Could you let me know how much I will receive and will I get it weekly or montly ?
Yours Faithfully
Shamis O'Toole
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' The Parrott '
A man who owned a Parrott wake's up one morning , just like he does every morning and approches the cage where ' Polly ' the man's pet Parrott resides. As the man opens the cage to pet ' Polly ' , the pet Parrott pecks him with his beak. While this is a daily occurance , today the man has had enough of this pecking . He say's to the Parrott " You get one more chance , if you peck me one more time you've had it ". After putting the pet parrott back inside , the man goes about his daily routine.
The next day the man heads down stairs to 'Polly's' cage where once again he goes to pet the parrott again , after reaching inside the cage 'Polly' is waiting and violently pecks him again with his beak. Well , very angry the man throws 'Polly' back into the cage and say's ' I told you yesterday that if you peck at me one more time you'll get it '.
With that the man leaves the house and heads down to the hardware store. While inside the man asks the clerk for a file. The clerk unknown to him doesn't know what kinda file the man is looking for so he asks him. " Sir what type of file are you looking for. ? " The man replies " Iam looking for a sharp one, my pet parrott keeps pecking me and I want to file his beak off ! " The clerk replies " you must not do that you will kill the poor bird , he will die without a beak. " The man takes the file home anyway despite what the clerk says.
A week passes by and the man is in the hardware store once again , the clerk spots him and say's to the man " What happened to the Parrott ? ". The man replies " He's dead ". The clerk then says " see I told you if you cut his beak off he would die . " The man replies " Heck no , he didn't die from cutting off his beak he survived that, it was when I tightened up the vise ".
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' Strange But A True Story '
Apparently a man from Oklahoma U.S.A. buy's a brand new Winnebago Motor Home. The man decides on the way home he's going to travel down the interstate highway. While on the highway the man discovered he has cruise control on the Winnebago , so he picks up speed at 70 miles an hour and set's the cruise control. Then the ' nitwit ' decides he's going to go into the back of the Winnebago and make himself a coffee all this time while he 's heading down the interstate at 70 miles an hour with no one behind the wheel. Well, you guessed the Winnebago before long is outa control and now has flipped over on the highway. After the accident, ( he obviously survives) , Now the 'moron' desides he's going to sue Winnebago for not putting a caution in the manual about driving unattendant in cruise control.
The damest thing about it his lawyer won the case and the judge warrented him 125 million dollars plus a New Winnebago to boot.
You can bet now Winnebago now includes in there manual about the use of cruise control and not to be used unintended.
" Only In America " where else would you hear of a 'nitwit' pulling this stunt !
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These following Jokes come from a radio friend 9SD131 Larry
The Government Way
Tax his cow, Tax his goat
Tax his pants, Tax his coat
Tax his ties, Tax his shirt
Tax his work, Tax his dirt.
Tax his chew, Tax his smoke
Teach Jim taxes is no joke
Tax his car, Tax his ass
Tax the roads he must pass.
Tax his land, Tax his wage
Tax the bed in which he lay
Tax his tractor, Tax his mule
Teach him taxes is the rule.
Tax his tobacco, Tax his drink
Tax him if he tries to think
Tax his booze, Tax his beers
If he cries, Tax his tears.
Tax his ill, Tax his gas
Tax his note, Tax his cash
Tax him good and let him know
That after taxes he has no dough.
If he hollers, Tax him more
Tax him until he's good and sore.
Tax his coffin, Tax his grave
Tax the sod in which he lay.
Put these words upon the tomb
"Taxes drove me to my doom "
And when he's gone we won't relax.
We'll Still be after
INHERITANCE TAX !
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How To Bathe A Cat
1: Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2: Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water and put both lids up.
3: Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
4: In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. You may have to stand on the lid so he cannot escape. The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet. The cat is actually enjoying this.
5: Flush the toilet three to four times . This provides a ' power wash' and 'rince' which I found to be quite effective.
6: Have someone open the the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.
7: Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8: The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself off.
Sincerly The Dog.
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The Farmer
A Farmer went to a Attorney and said he wanted one of those devorces.
Attorney : ' Do you have grounds ? '
Farmer: ' Yup, I got 30 acres.'
Attorney: 'No, that's not what I mean: do you have a case?'
Farmer: 'Nope, I got a John Deere : that's what I farm them 30 acres with."
Attorney: " No,no. Your not understanding me: do you want to bring suit? " " Have you got a grudge?"
Farmer: " Well, I've got a suit hanging home int the closet. The grudge , that's where I keep my John Deere."
Attorney: " Oh, were not communicating at all. Let's talk about your wife for a minute. " Do you beat her up?"
Farmer: " Nope she gets up about 4:30, about the same time I do."
Attorney: " No,no. Is she a nagger ?."
Farmer: " No, but that last kid was. That's the reason I want the devorce".
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